Teaching: Why Forgive Part 2

In our previous post on Forgiveness, we discussed why we should forgive and the benefits of forgiveness.

Now we will look at what forgiveness is not and its challenges.

What Forgiveness IS NOT

1. Canceling the Wrong:

Forgiveness doesn’t erase the wrongdoing or its consequences, as exemplified by the story of David and Nathan:

¹¹ “This is what the Lord says: ‘Out of your own household I am going to bring calamity on you. Before your very eyes I will take your wives and give them to one who is close to you, and he will sleep with your wives in broad daylight. ¹² You did it in secret, but I will do this thing in broad daylight before all Israel.’”

¹³ Then David said to Nathan, “I have sinned against the Lord.”

Nathan replied, “The Lord has taken away your sin. You are not going to die. ¹⁴ But because by doing this you have shown utter contempt for the Lord, the son born to you will die.”

2 Samuel 12:11-14

God forgave David, but their were consequences fpr his sin.

Severe consequences that were visited upon his family.

2. Dependent on an Apology:

Forgiveness isn’t contingent upon the offender’s remorse or apology.

Some victim statements that are read out in Court are heartbreaking, but they have no impact on the perpetrator. Often you here judges give harsher sentences because the criminal showed no remorse.

Many people spend so long wishing those who harmed them would realise their cruelty and apologise. They waste so much energy wishing that the evil person who wronged them would become a decent person.

Stop wishing for the moon.

Only now do I understand what that phrase truly means.

Let go of the need for the perpetrator to apologise.

Take control of your own healing and remove the power from the one who wronged you.

Ye, it may well make you feel better if teh person says sorry. But don’t rely on it. They coud be lying adn using words to manipulate you further.

Trust only in God in these circumstanced and his wisdom

Forgive people for the harm they caused you and release your well being from their future actions.

Surprisingly, if you subsequently receive an apology, it will mean nothing.

You did not need it after all.

3. Understanding the Offender’s Motives:

Whilst understanding the offender’s motivations may be helpful in certain circumstances, it’s not a prerequisite for forgiveness. “Hurt people hurt people,” is one of those platitudes often cited to justify the most heinous of crimes. However, this does not excuse their actions and the victim’s focus is properly turned towards their own recovery and grief, not ruminating on why evil exists.

Reconciliation:

Forgiveness doesn’t necessitate immediate or even eventual reconciliation with the offender.

You can forgive someone from a distance and protect yourself from having them in your life and giving them the opportunity to hurt you further.

Blanking someone does not always mean you are bitter.

It can mean you are setting healthy boundaries.

Why keep liars and cheats in your life?

So that they feel better knowing you are still friends?

So that you look better to others?

Unless someone has undergone a spiritual awakening you do not need to continue a friendship with people you do not trust.

Polite, distant, cordial behaviour is sufficient.

This includes family members.

This is especially relevant in romantic situations.

Do not reconcile with an abuser. You are giving thr message that an apology and some flowers means they can carry on in their abuse as they now know what you will accept.

4. Changing the Past:

Forgiveness acknowledges the past but empowers one to move forward, “opening up the future.” Forgiveness also releases us from the past, without it’s burdens dragging us down into depression.

Challenges of Forgiveness